“A Visit from Supergirl”
(with all due respect to Clement Moore,
who is now rolling over in his grave)
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the crest of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my eyes should appear from the skies,
But a getaway car, with a bunch of bad guys.
And a sexy strong girl, with a mane of gold curls,
So I knew in a moment it was Supergirl.
The car held overhead by one very strong arm,
And she giggled and smirked and threatened them harm.
“Now Rocky! Now Diesel! Now Pauly and Vito!
On Conan! On Bruno! Jesus and Rodrigo!
"Stop screaming, you sissies! I won’t let you fall!
But I’ll use my big muscles to beat up you all!”
As from the sky snowflakes descend as they float,
Toes gently touched shingles, and she continued to gloat.
She eased the car down up against a vent shaft,
Then ripped off the door, to fold it in half.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
Limp bodies fall thud, and a few knocked out tooths.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Then in the chimney, Supergirl floated down.
She was dressed in tight spandex, and a red pleated skirt,
Her huge mounds of breasts pushed out through her shirt.
A bright red cape she had hung down her back,
barely covering broad shoulders, and a V-tapered back.
Her face was angelic, her eyes blue like pools,
Her smile was electric, worth millions of joules.
She was beauty incarnate and made my heart stop,
And her muscles had bulges where mortals had not.
Her thighs were so shapely, her abs an 8-pack,
That was deeply defined below her huge rack.
Her calves like a dancer’s, she had nothing for lack,
And her ass seemed to have a symphonic sound track.
She knew her effect, how I scarcely could move,
Like I hung from a ledge, when she gave me a shove.
She picked up my Glock, fired point-blank at her chest,
Her boobs shook and she laughed, wasn’t even a test.
Then she lifted me up, feet way high in the air,
I pretended to act like I just didn’t care.
Then she held up my gun, and her hand slowly closed,
And the metal oozed out like some goo undisclosed.
Then her biceps swole huge, she’d be able to boast,
The blue stretched so wide that it made my head roast.
She stretched and it bulged nearly tall as her wrist,
My hands tried to cover her, but that blue did resist.
Then I squeezed and squeezed with all of my might,
But I quicker could indent a piece of granite.
With a sudden odd clarity, I took her all in,
And recorded it all, as I stifled a grin,
For this girl of steel, this maiden of might,
Was a goddess in every way in my sight..
My wife could not judge, she could scarcely compete,
And with other than Supergirl, I never could cheat,
But as I stood with her there, I could simply not fight,
Because nothing whatever could now feel so right.
“I love what you write of me, each episode,”
Then we kissed and I thought that my head would explode.
She spoke nothing more, but got straight to her work,
And with one touch to my groin, made me shake, spurt and jerk.
Then twisting the steel fireplace tools into bows,
And giving a nod, up the chimney she rose!
She lifted the car and blew me a kiss,
And floated away as I stood there in bliss.
But I heard her exclaim as she drove out of sight,
“Thanks again for your stories, I’ll come back some night.”
As I watched out the window, I could hear mamma snore,
And the stain on my shorts spread like never before.
Supergirl had saved me, kept me sane for the fight,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!